Is there an impostor among us?

I haven't yet disclosed my impetus for starting my blogging journey, so I'll give you some background to help you understand. Maybe you can relate, and have used similar strategies to face the challenging times in your life. If you haven't, I'm hoping you can find some comfort and company through my words and experiences, knowing that you aren't alone.

Those who know me are aware that I carry some pretty heavy baggage. I experienced a broken home at the age of 11 (sorry mom & dad – not blaming you, but it did happen), an encounter with a sexual predator around the same time as my parents' divorce, an abusive marriage filled with lies and adultery, and a subsequent divorce. Insert reprieve – a wonderful new husband. The problem being... he came with a whole new set of baggage. The result? A direct hit on my self-confidence. These experiences erased my ability to trust others AND myself, and fueled the phenomenon called "impostor syndrome."

Impostor syndrome noun variants or imposter syndrome : a psychological condition characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments, accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success.

(n.d.). Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved August 3, 2023, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impostor%20syndrome

There you have it. My experiences and the monsters I face in my day-to-day life convinced me I was indeed an impostor. Que Taylor. "It's me. Hi! I'm the problem; it's me."

This resulting impostor syndrome left me searching for comfort. I didn't have access (or had too much pride) to go to counseling. I have a very small circle of good, close friends where I felt comfortable enough to let the façade down and be vulnerable.

I found my comfort by Googling terms that related to what I was experiencing in the moment (and maybe a little bit too much from my friend Tito). Pinterest was great for finding quotes, blogs, forums, and stories from others that spoke to my heart and soul, just as if they were written by me. I knew that somewhere out there in the universe someone had experienced the same thing. Like the "love bank" metaphor from yesterday, some of these just left a lasting impression on my heart and mind and I refer back to them to keep myself in check pretty often. When I experienced things and found a quote or story that related, I no longer felt alone. Maybe it was just as a way for the writer to decompress... a way to get the toxic experiences and behaviors out of their mind and off of their tongue, and not for the specific purpose of helping others. Either way, they helped me.

I have a lot to say about impostor syndrome and in future posts, I want to really dig into the things that fuel this nasty disease and strategize ways to overcome it. To find your best self. To know that you are not alone. To know that you are enough and that you are an exceptional and unique human being who has so much to offer the world.

As the internet says, "Don't let anyone dull your sparkle!" (and BTW. I REALLY, REALLY need to hear those words today)

That's all for now. Thanks for joining me on my journey. I hope you learn a little something about me, and hopefully a lot more about yourself.